Move-in slow

My daughter "L" said it really well- "I am just move-in" - I am move-in to get the kids out the door to go to school, just barely move-in to get dinner, move-in to the couch to read a book. That helps, as I don't have to think. When does it get better? I feel like I have been hit by a mack truck.

I am really tired of the "are you OK's" no, I am not, but what do you say? There are only so many ways you can say, I am really hurting and I just want to hit someone or something.

I do not want to say good by to Heather. She is my first born, mother to my beautiful granddaughter. She was beautiful, smart and brave. I miss you Heather.