Tuesday, March 30, 2010

OK, I am doing something pro-active to help me! I am on my way to the beach. I LOVE the beach. And I really love the beach when I do not have to watch 7 kids! So, hopefully, when I get there, it will be at least half way nice to take a walk and just sit and watch the waves.

On the beach, I see God's hand so much clearer than here in the house! (duh!!) Just sitting and watching- maybe I'll see some dolphins !! It clears the mind and calms the soul.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Move-in slow

My daughter "L" said it really well- "I am just move-in" - I am move-in to get the kids out the door to go to school, just barely move-in to get dinner, move-in to the couch to read a book. That helps, as I don't have to think. When does it get better? I feel like I have been hit by a mack truck.

I am really tired of the "are you OK's" no, I am not, but what do you say? There are only so many ways you can say, I am really hurting and I just want to hit someone or something.

I do not want to say good by to Heather. She is my first born, mother to my beautiful granddaughter. She was beautiful, smart and brave. I miss you Heather.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Memories can be helpful

As a "second time around" dad, I try to use my memories of being a kid and my memories of parenting my first set as parenting tools. I remember being clumsy and quiet as a kid, so it helps me to be patient with the kids (most of the time). I remember getting into trouble for various things, and I try to remember what it was I thought I was doing or the reasons behind them. That helps (most of the time.).

One vivid memory I have helps me to understand how children can be playing so hard, that they completely miss what's going on around them...like darkness falling upon them. When I was about 7 years old, we lived in Landover MD. My dad was active duty Army during the Vietnam conflict and at the time he was in-patient at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. He had cancer in the femur of one of his legs. I don't recall which leg (that's a good thing, I think) He and his legs survived the ordeal and they are all still here to tell the story; though at 71, I'm sure his legs argue with him at times on the points of survival.

My dad, like many other dads had a few rules we were diligently taught to obey. The following were some of the key rules: 1) be in the house by the time the street lights come on. 2.) Tell them (our parents) where we were going before we left. & 3.) If we left the first place, we were to come back and notify said parents about the change in location.

Summer time was a time that these three rules would come into play daily. On one such day, my brother and I decided to go catch tadpoles and frogs. My brother is only one year older than I am. He and I were joining a bunch of friends on "a frog hunt." The usual place to go was in front of this large rain pipe thingy that water from the various street drains lead into and deposited out and developed a stream (river during heavy rains). The pipe was large enough for a small child to walk in it standing up. I don't know how I knew that, because no one was allowed to go into it, and besides it had a large grate in front of it that was designed to keep kids out of it. Yeah right! Anyway, we (a group of about 6-8 boys) were catching frogs and tadpoles, but there weren't enough to go around. So we decided to go elsewhere. Now, we did follow rule number 2, but for the life of me, I don't know why we forgot rule number 3.

We decided that a great place to go for frogs would be in the water hazards at the nearby golf course. (Now that I think about it, that probably was a very stupid idea all by itself...imagine 1967, and a bunch of "Negro" boys sneaking out on the country club golf course to catch frogs). So, we were having a great time, playing in the water, catching frogs, getting each other wet and muddy, etc. At some point one of us happens to look up at the sky. "Uh, oh!" It was pitch black dark. None of us had even noticed it because we were having so much fun, and our eyes were becoming slowly adjusted to the dark, I guess. Well, there went rule number 1. So if your kid comes home late, and gives something of this type of excuse think about it first.

Anyway, we started back home with all of us trying to get a good lie straight between us. I don't even remember what it was. It didn't matter anyway... As we were getting close to home we had to pass that place we went to originally. You know, the place with the kid sized pipe that we're not supposed to go in, but kids do anyway. As we approached the place we see LOTS of flashing red lights. Yup! Fire fighters, search and rescue, ambulance, police and a street full of parents, family and lookers on! The men were in the pipe looking for us lost kids! Whatever lie we were going to try had just lost its strength by 100%. We all meandered through the crowd looking for our respective parents. I found my dad and quietly tugged on his pant leg. My dad is an imposing man of 6'4", with keen features, a river deep voice, and a steely stare. He looked down at me and my brother and silently pointed in the direction of our house. Needless to say, even though we tried to get a good cry going before we got home, it didn't stop him from whipping us both at the same time!

Ah, fond memories! Don't you love 'em? They make us who were are, and hopefully make us better parents. (most of the time).

Care to share one of your growth memories?

Friday, March 19, 2010


I know the school year is almost over, but.... we have been talking, emailing, praying for something to be done to help Joey out at school. He is bored, and to this day says everything he is doing is "review" Well, the school finally tested him for the gifted program (test was about 4 weeks ago) but, we got his results yesterday and he is gifted! So, they have moved him into a "gifted" classroom. His math test scores were among the highest of the 4th graders. Yesterday, Joey spent the day in the new classroom and he loved it- I am so happy. Having a bored kid in school can cause alot of problems! It was so bad, that I have considered homeschooling!

Well done Joey!
love, Pamela

Thursday, March 18, 2010


I really love the ocean. It calms my spirit even when the waves are crashing and full of white caps. As yesterday was. Thank you Linda for standing in the cold so that I could get my "fix"!!

Somehow just watching the waves and seeing the vastness brings me closer to my Lord. And I am able to put back into perspective the things that are going on in my life.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010


In the last several weeks my world has just fallen apart. My daughter passing away seems so unreal- how can she? she was in her mid 30's- and this has now brought flooding back the memories of my late husband passing away. So much pain, grief and mourning.

At night, I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling. My thoughts are incoherent pieces of a puzzle that I have grown really tired of. My heartache will not go away. Or the guilt. Or the regret. I am out of tears, out of prayers and wonder in silence. Is God up there, beyond the ceiling? I know that God is there, but at this point today, I can not feel Him.

I feel like I am in the ocean, with the waves crashing over me. the waves just keep coming at the weirdest times. Some are big and some are just small baby waves. I know that the waves will become farther apart as time goes by, but that does not help right now.

I know all of this is "normal"- but it is hard. I can be just fine and then not remember anything- like my brain is fried. And the tears at the craziest times- Just sitting reading a book-(same page over and over) I start to cry.

I miss H. I miss B. This just should not have happened.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Life is going on...

Well, life is going on. Soccer has started full force. This season we have 5 kids playing and on 4 different teams. I am running! (so is Juan) Right now all of the teams are practicing 3 times a week- Do you know how many trips that is? LOL Zoe' and Davis love it and are good- watching them was a WOW moment...

Joey, formally know as Dylan had a cleft pallet team doctor visit this week on Tues. These are all day events, as he sees a group of doctors on this team. His jaw is so out of alignment that he is beginning to be really hard to understand. The next major surgery is to brake his jaw and wire it shut in the correct position. He can not have this done until he is done growing-- 7,8 maybe 9 more years- We are so blessed to have Dr McGee as Joey's team doctor. That was a whole big God thing to get him on the team! another story.. Anyway, Dr McGee has started to do a new surgery to help kids like Joe. So Joey will be going in to have surgery in the next few weeks. As soon as they can have hospital time. Dr McGee is putting plates into Joey's mouth, screwing them into the jaw bones. Then they put heavy rubber bands on the plates. ,moving the jaw into the correct position. (Hopefully, this works some of the time as it is moving bones).
We are praying that this will work for Joey. Joey is one of the bravest boys I know. And he has the sweetest spirit about him. This will be his 6th surgery in the just under 7 years he has lived with us. Really a remarkable kid. God's kid

I have some issues with my legs. (ever since the plane trip around the world and the trip down to TX was just as bad) Anyway, I see the doctor for the results of the blood work ups tomorrow. I am hopeful that there is an easy answer for this. Very painful.

Thank you all for the phone calls, visits, meals, funds(to help with all of the out of pocket expenses) and help that lots of you have been. Our family and I really appreciate it all- Thank you for your prayers and please continue to pray. I do feel your prayers and they are much needed. The Lord has blessed me with wonderful friends.

Blessings, Pamela Dawn


I guess that I really want the world to just stop- my daughter has died. Why is it a beautiful, warm day? Why are the birds singing? The schools, banks, shopping malls are open and life is just going on. Why doesn't it all stop for a bit while I hurt so bad?

Monday, March 8, 2010

Thank you All

Dear Readers,
Thank you all for your prayers, calls, help to Juan and the kids. I SO appreciated everything. Thank you all.
I am home, really tired, but home!
My daughter" L" and I still need your prayers as we now try to take care of the things that get left ed behind. Please pray for my beautiful granddaughter "C". She is precious. Please pray for "L" whole family as they all go thru so many changes in their lives.
Blessings, Pam

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Home for Good

Pam is home. Exhausted of course, but home none-the-less. Thank you so much to her "sisters" in the OBX, that took her in and babied her for a couple of days. Unfortunately, it was too cold/windy for them to sit on the beach, so they took advantage of a great clearance sale at Belks. ;o) Thank you so much to my sister for sending us a Honey Baked ham & a carrot cake. It lasted through 2 great meals and still had left overs for a soup.

Thank you all again for your prayers. May the Lord bless each of you with peace, strength and wisdom.

My two oldest daughters made me so proud. They stepped in for Mom without hesitation. Cooking, doing laundry, and getting the "little ones" off to school. All the kids worked together as Team Johnson. Mom didn't have to come home to a disaster. (A sure sign of great mom)

Love from a greatful husband and father

Jesus & The Passover

Today, we went to church and there was a guest speaker. I'm terrible with names, so I'm not going to even pretend to remember. He was however a joyous blessing to listen to . He is a Messianic Jew, who is a missionary to Jews (JewsforJesus.org). The subject was the passover meal that Jews celebrate (The Seder), and the meal that Jesus celebrated just before he gave his life for me/us. He told us all the significance of each element of the meal, and all of the actions involved. He had samples of just about everything that would be involved in the meal, as he was explaining it. The neatest part is how he was able to show how things pointed to the Lord Jesus.

For some reason, I always find it a blessing when I meet a practicing Jew and a double blessing when I meet a Messianic Jew. I guess it's a triple blessing when I get to sit and listen to one tell of how the they love the Lord Jesus and how they are being lead to lead other's to His salvation.

It reminds me to pray for salvation for "The Branch" that was taken out so that we could be grafted in.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Mommie's Home!!

I met Pam, (L) & (C) outside of Richmond and brought her home this morning.
She was absolutely spent. Her good good girlfriends from OBX came and got her this afternoon to go spend the weekend in decompression. A few days of nothing to do, no where to go, and all day to get it done is what this doctor (Dr. J) ordered. The OBX is the best place...surrounded by loving friends, a calm environment a peaceful ocean and sandy beaches. I'll go get her Saturday after soccer practices.

Thank you to all of you for all of your prayers and all of your kind words of encouragement.
Without a Christian family, this would be maddening.

God bless all of you.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Coming Home

Pam, (L), & (C) are on the road heading home.
Please continue to pray for traveling mercies for them.
It's a 3 day trip.