Adoption means giving of yourself all the time. All the time is just hard to do. I know that this is what we are called to do. Jesus gave his life and he gave his life ALL the time while here on earth. I think this is what I am striving to do, obeying Christ.
With children who come home at an older age, it is a struggle.
I long to truly love them as Christ loves me. This is something for continual prayer. It is a slow process.
Not because God is not faithful, but because I am not faithful. I try to be faithful in spiritual disciplines, but I give place to the enemy all too often. The times where I have really sought the Lord have been sweet times in my relationship with them.
I know what Jesus meant when he said, "without me, you can do nothing." Also, that if we remain in him we will bear much fruit."
One thing that has really helped me in the day to day issues,is to remember why I wanted to adopt older children. That I wanted to give my life away for the sake of others as Christ did.
The problem is that my heart is so prone to wander and I can easily let my guard down. This is the Christian struggle! The thing that we want to do, we don't, and the thing that we hate, that we do. If Paul struggled with this, we will as well. Who will deliver us from this body of death??? Paul asked, and his answer was Christ!
I was hoping that just sharing our struggles might help others, in the adoption world and in just life.
God is so very very good! Isn't that the whole story of the Bible from beginning to end.