As I grow in my Christian life and walk this path, I've been taught and am still trying to learn that "Feelings" are valid, but they are not what we guide our lives by. That can sometimes be easier said than done or understood. In this life we don't always feel God's presence. We don't always feel that He knows what our heart's desires are. We don't always feel that our brothers and sisters understand or care what we're going through. We don't always feel that there are lights at the end of our lonely tunnels. Yet, in spite of all this feeling - or lack there of- there are these facts: God is God, He does not lie, He does not fail and He does love and care for us.
When I sit here on the the computer trying to track down old contacts, and come up empty, I feel defeated. When I get back reject e-mails from companies I've applied to, I feel like a failure. Then I remember that time and time and again, my Lord has come through for me. When I look at how each time we've gone through an adoption, I've lost my job, I feel like maybe I'm being told to do something else. Then I remember what the word of the Lord says...Protect the widows and orphans. If he tells me to do that, then nothing that tries to hinder me will cause me to fail.
Almost ten years ago, I graduated with an MBA and got swallowed up in the hopes and dreams of corporate ladder climbing. However, in my last job, I was actually making less than the 1st job I had right out of school 10 years ago. Sometimes that makes me feel like I've failed. Then I look at the beautiful woman who loves me unconditionally. I look at our beautiful children who look up to me and expect nothing but love from me. I see the new children that we are going to be blessed with. I know that I'm right where I need to be.
I am learning that I cannot base my life and decisions on what I feel, but I must base them on what the Lord says. He says that He will be beside us. He says that he will provide for us. He says that He will give me the desires of my heart (within His will, of course). He says that love conquers everything. He says that love casts out all fear. His word says that God IS love. There's an old saying that goes..."The Bible says it, I believe it, that settles it!"
So I know that I must live my life one day at a time, work to obey His commands, share love and truth with everyone I can and love him with all my heart, mind and strength.
That's the truth beyond the feeling.