Friday, June 11, 2010

It has been 3 and 1/2 months....

It has been three and a 1/2 months and grief has not hit me lately with the hay-maker punch. But He comes in the form of a shadowy emptiness. He forces a few tears and then He leaves. But as far as I can tell there are only two options:

1)Run as hard as you can into the arms of Jesus and stare Grief down. LIVE
2)Dig a hole, crawl into it and cover yourself up. DIE

There is no second option for me.
The love I had for Heather as my daughter is irreplaceable. But now I must go on living. And I must learn how to live well. Yes, there is a time for grief and I know mine is not over. But everyday I walk in victory is one less day I fall in emotional defeat.

Grief is real and He has visited my house and will continue to periodically. However, I refuse to allow him to throw his black cape around me causing my world to darken with hopelessness. No, isn't this one of the main reasons our precious Lord came? Didn't He come to overcome Death and Grief? Then why should I allow them to permeate and dictate my quality of life? But I must choose Life.
I will never completely get over my young daughter dying, But I will learn to be victorious over the sting of such. I will live, love, and laugh. And I plan to view this horrible ordeal as a training ground to learn more of HIM. His Grace is taking many forms these days and currently He is expediting time for my deeply wounded soul to fully recuperate. Whatever tomorrow holds, I plan to hold tightly to His hand. And no, "I'm not merely trying to be "strong" for everyone else. This is really how I feel. I have decided to no longer lock Grief out of my life nor to dread His uninvited visitation. I open the door and welcome Him inside. His bite is not as bad as his bark, although it can be extremely painful. Each time He comes for a visit, he wields less and less power over me. This can only be because Christ has already visited with me before Grief gets there. And that is the key to healing. When Christ carries you, there is nothing you cannot face nor overcome. Oh, how I love Life. It is still good. :)

Heather--- Immediately all kinds of memories and emotions flood the minds of those who knew her well. To craft in words a fully composite picture of who she was would be nearly impossible. Just as impossible is grasping how many lives she affected and touched throughout her own. I will always remember my daughter as a woman who loved life. Her energy was infectious and it was hard for anyone to be around her for very long without being encouraged and uplifted. Her laugh, her smile, and her love for everyone around her is unforgettable and inspiring.

My daughter was one of the most generous and giving individuals I have ever known. Her love for others, her zeal for life, and her determination to drink it all in was founded on her love for others. What a Great example she set in life and love!
She taught me so much about life and how to live well. She taught me about inner strength, boldness, how to think critically,and how to love others.
I miss you Heather.
Love, your Mom


Aus said...

What a lovely tribute to your daughter - and you are right - you must live, and live well - for anything else would be to dishonor her memory!

hugs - and prayers for peace -

aus and co.

KT said...

Ok, Im crying. You are living my greatest fear. Im so sorry this has become part of your path in life. Im so sorry you lost Heather too soon :-(
May Christ continue to be with you, every moment of everyday, giving you the strength to go on.
Love you friend!