Friday, November 21, 2008

Christmas without our 3-2-B ours

This week Pam and I found out that we will definitely not be spending Christmas with our 3-2-B ours. With the way things are slowing down, it looks like we will be traveling somewhere near the end of January or early February. This has been like the hardest news for us since we started this whole process. Admittedly we can be like your typical "fast food" Americans; we want what we want and we want it now. Obviously the Lord has other things in mind. We'll gain patience and it will give us more time to pray for the 3 before they get here.

We believe that praying for our children before they come to us is very, very, very important. We pray for their health (spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical). We pray that they will blend in with the other kids. We pray that they will be able to adapt at home, church, and school. And very important, we pray that they will be able to attach to us in a healthy way. Attachment is a very deep subject that all adoptive parents have to deal with. Adoptive parents with older children have an even greater concern.

Attachment is what colors everything that goes on in the family dynamic. When we're dealing with the children, we have to look at every situation and gauge it on the child's age/expected maturity, education level, communication ability, their physical state and their mental state. We have to throw any attachment issues into the mix before we judge how to act or react. And just like any other sets of siblings, they are at all different attachment levels. The ability to attach starts out different for each child, and the amount of attachment changes or grows at different rates for each child. So we're both earning our Phd's in attachment issues. This builds character, let me tell you.

Short illustration - yesterday, our middle daughter came up and gave me a full on hug. This was without any prompting on my part and for no apparent reason other than to just do it. It was the first time she's done that in the 2 1/2 years she's been with us. It didn't feel 100% genuine, but it felt ton's more real than when I normally ask for a hug or a kiss. Every step is a welcomed step in the right direction.

Continue to pray for us.


Irma said...

Stay strong, my friends. I am praying for many things, but "patience" is not among them!

Irma said...

Oh, and I forgot to say... that hug that you felt wasn't "100%"?? If you got a 50% feeling from it? YOU WIN

Bugtheteacher said...

I am so sorry they will not be here for Christmas. We will keep your family (all of you) in our prayers.

Becoming Me said...

Oh I am so sorry to read how your heart is breaking.

Jill said...

AMEN! Every step like this is the blessing of God who is mighty save!!!

Praying as you wait more moments like this fill your home and your children's hearts!

God is good! All of the time!
Much love,